When I was in my twenties my father turned to me and asked why I was continuing to go to church.”They never phone to ask how you are or come round to see you . . .so why do you keep going back ?”.
After a little thought I had to agree with what he said.I was attending 2 sunday services,a mid-week prayer meeting and a life/cell/home group every week and at the end of the day no-one,from the group of believers that I was trying to be a part of,was even calling to find out why I was away when I was ill.
A picture that has been repeated again and again and is being repeated now.I sit night after night knowing that I,like so many others,am left to fend for myself.
The gifts that God has given me to show love and support to others are lying un-used because I am not getting the opportunities to be amongst other people.
The people of the church of this green and pleasant land are being persuaded by the ‘prince of darkness’ that their lives are too full to be able to reach out and form communities within the body of believers.Busy-ness is a catchword of the ‘isolating’ enemy of the loving God.
I don’t really care if it is part of my ‘artistic’ nature or part of my mental health difficulties or just because I am a bad man but every now and then I take a turn for the worse.I have a long history of ‘turning to the dark side’ when starved of love and after the last opportunity of ‘romantic’ love slipped out the door and waved goodbye I embraced it with arms open wide.
I jumped back into a lifestyle of self-medicating.I knew from experience that I was on my own and the thought of spending another night trying to encourage myself that whilst on earth I was ever going to achieve a level of happiness was too impossible to contemplate.
And of course the very people that should be reaching out of their comfortable lifestyles to help and support the lonely,are instead finding new and unusual ways to point the finger in blame.
Last year for instance saw an upstanding and respected member of my church community sent to me to ask why I wasn’t getting myself back into paid work after 8 years of being registered dis-abled,whilst completely ignoring the fact that he himself was in an incredibly similar position.
And then the darker side as another brother in Christ stood in my house and after I had explained that to continue growing his cannibis plants that were in my house I would have to continue to drink alcoholically and smoke more weed,he tried his hardest to persuade me that this was not only Ok but that the money I got from my quarter share would more than make up for any loss of love and understanding I might otherwise achieve.As if any thing that is seen is better than anything that is not seen.
So I find myself in a position where I want those people put into my path to know about the truth of Jesus’ love for them but I will not advise them to enter and be a part of the local body of believers.I can not suggest something that I have found to be an empty promise.
I know it will all be alright in the end but there is absolutely no promises that this present life will be good and happy and I have to accept that right now I am lost and alone . . .and being talked about by my brothers and sisters who DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME ON A DAILY BASIS