Monthly Archives: May 2012

Isolation or Fellowship

I strongly believe that a part at least of what makes up hell has to be isolation in the same way that a part at least of what makes heaven has to be fellowship.If God is love (1 John 4 etc) and love almost by definition requires at least 2 beings then an eternity with God has to be in company.Hell,which again almost by definition has to be the opposite of heaven,therefore would be isolation.

I also strongly believe that a large number of man’s advances in the last 3 centuries have enabled a more and more isolated state within society and a more fractured state generally.We don’t actually need to leave our houses from birth to death if we so chose.

When I look to man’s great handbook and think through the amazing width of experiences written within one thing that stands strong is that we work better when we work together.When Paul went on his,now famous,missionary journeys one thing that is often forgotten is that he went and stayed with people.He worked,rested and played with people.He was being led by the spirit and the spirit needed the spirit in other people to work together with.

If you walk through the doors of most English churches on ‘any given sunday’ you will be sent to an alpha,or similar,course and then if you’re lucky you will be sent to a beta course,or similar.After a couple or so courses when you have opened your heart up,a little bit,to a bunch of complete strangers,who miraculously have now become good friends you will then be offered the chance to fill a pew.

Whereas Paul knew the need of living with people and helping them to understand the complexities of the new simple faith we now expect people to get it all whilst spending less time in a week than Paul would have spent in a day.

This new age,nothing hippy here just a realisation that we live in an age that even my grandparents would be stuck for words when confronted with the technologies available,lifestyle that we are being pushed into by this for want of a better word society is repeatedly reinforcing the only understandings of love that is available with out God.

This Godless love is twofold,part one is familial love and part two is romantic love.These two things are the full understanding of any life lived without God.They are played again and again across the range of media.

BUT with God is the certainty of love for each other.Man on man without societies blemishes and any exchange of person on person with a purity that only exists this side of heaven itself.

So I want to follow the Bibles leading examples and push myself more and more to live within relationships that involve contact both physically and emotionally.

Because as they say in the rooms of the 12 step fellowships ” I can’t but we can¬†“.


Posted by on May 11, 2012 in Uncategorized


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I know . . . Ok . . .I know

I cannot try to leave the subject alone without adding the main piece of knowledge that I know . . .

I know that I would rather have a physical beating than an emotional one.

And this comes from a guy that has experienced both.

I have clear memories of sticking my hand in the bin to push it down for more space only to find that the can lid I put in there earlier is cutting into my thumb in an ugly ‘thats gonna hurt in a minute’ kinda way.Which is a pain of the ‘outside’ type when compared with the pain of the ‘inside’ type like when I had the nurse take the gauze out of my nose after I had come to from the anaesthetic after having surgery on my aforementioned nose.Now this pain was deep and long lasting.Long lasting in the same way that being soaked by winters rain lasts longer than being soaked by summers rain.

I have experienced being beaten up in a physical way and I have experienced being beaten up in an emotional way.

I also have clear memories of laying my heart on the ground in front of someone that I trusted only to have them take the opportunity to do a rather well executed dance on that heart in a way that would make Michael Flately proud,whilst wearing the equivalent of a cross between hob-nailed boots and stillletoes.

I have opened up my fears about my life to my ‘at the time’ wife only for her to shut up completely and leave me feeling less understood than ever before and I have told A.N.other person that I don’t just get into relationships,I let go entirely and go the hog the whole hog and nothing but the hog only to have her tell me that she loves me and then leave me alone less than a week later.Both times I experienced a pain inside that leaves all other pains standing at the starting post.

In fact those pains are living with me daily whereas the physical pains are only memories.I can deal with those memories better than I could ever deal with the emotional stuff.

And I know that I am not alone in that.I know that there are a HELL of a lot of people that do not know how to compartmentalise those pains.And I know that we all need love.We all need the love that has no boundaries.And we all need to remember that every one we meet has those pains,and struggles to accept that Jesus will understand.

Jesus understands because he experienced pain.Not our particular pain but pain none the less.With this experience comes understanding,with the understanding comes love . . . and we can’t ask more than that He understands and forgives and loves none the less.

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Posted by on May 8, 2012 in Uncategorized


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So . . . what do I know ?!?!

One of the many sayings I heard repeated ad nauseum at 12 step meetings was “I know that I have paid the price of this seat” – meaning that person has understood that their experiences/emotional fractures alone have given them every right to sit amongst a group of their peers and tell their story with their head held high rather than hide in a corner covered with shame for all eternity – and I know that I have paid the price of this particular seat on the blog roll of life.

I know that this particular society is so out of touch when it comes to love that we are utterly confused and defensive when ever it raises its ugly head and confronts us.We have grown in an age where ‘romantic’ and ‘familial’ love have replaced spiritual love in our understandings and as we stay glued to our various growing versions of ‘the media’ we daily re-inforce those beliefs.

I know that as our ability to reach out and find information has grown at a pace that would make any other sapient being sit back and panic,so too has our ability to cover over the cracks in our walls of defence.

I know that when the clouds turn black then it’s gonna rain.I know that one from experience,whether the clouds are within and emotionally rooted or whether they are without and based on life’s small hic-ups.And when it rains you gotta be wearing some kinda protection or you ARE gonna get wet.

I know that we are individuals who have our own unique journey/story and that as such we are at different places and understandings when we encounter eachother.What we decide to do when those occasions happen is almost the most random thing in the universe(in fact I think that those insane people that search for real randomness ought to look at this as a starting point).We live in mind sets that generally put us at the centre of our own universe and our encounters with other universes usually depend on where we are at any given time.

I know that I can’t live without some form of tangible love in my life.And that it is a daily ¬†need.What I regularly forget is that every other person that I meet has this self-same need.I also forget that I have the ability to help them feel at ease with their need/fears.Oh what a powerful thing that is too know . . . and live with when I do manage to make them scared in their need.

I know that the source of this love is freely offering it to me and ALL those around me.The source of all true love is Jesus and He will never turn me away.If I could just pass that truth on to others then my seat will be paid for in full and I could pick it up and take it home . . . Oh shit I have . . . so that means that I know that I have paid the price of my seat and when I stand face to face with the man that flung stars into space I know that I will get a hug.

Dont need to know much more cos thats enough !!

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Posted by on May 8, 2012 in Uncategorized


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